Chelsea

My favourite week in the gardening calandar has arrived!

For those of you heading to Chelsea, perhaps for the first time, i have compiled a survival guide to making the most of your day.

1. Get there early. In fact, get there when it opens. Not only will you be able to get round the show gardens whilst most people are still having their breakfast you’ll also have the chance to see the BBC filming their coverage. This brings me nicely onto point two...

2. Play BBC presenter Bingo. Main targets are Alan Titchmarsh, Joe Swift (normally wearing a Panama), Jekka McVicar (normally manning her stand in the Pavilion) and Carol Klein. Bonus points for spotting two of them together. Marvel at how much make-up Alan is wearing.

3. Pack your own lunch. This may seem tight but the Chelsea showground is a parallel universe where everything is quadruple the price of anywhere else.

4. Ignoring point three for a second - splash out on a glass of Pimms. It’s Chelsea, you deserve it!

5. Control your impulse to buy multiple bits of gardening tat. You don’t need a decorative string holder however much you think you do. Same goes for lace-up wellies, pink watering cans and plastic garden clogs with a ‘wacky’ tomato design. I’m speaking from bitter experience here.

6. Take change for seed catalogues in the Pavilion. The exhibitors will look at you with the contempt you deserve when you offer up a tenner for a 20p brochure.

7. Take lots of photos and ask lots of questions.

8. Finally, get a cab back to your main transport hub (Victoria in my case). There’s no point in being a martyr trying to carry home all those impulse buys on the tube.